You found us. Excellent.

In a move I'm confident will provoke a wave of apathy measurable by seismological instruments in Japan, I've revamped my Web site. Do people even visit sites any more, or is it all Snapface and Twittergram these days? Who knows. 

Anyway, I've done it. Click on the HOME button above to get to the main bit, or the other menu items for other bits. It's responsive, easy to understand and very clean — a bit like me, I like to think. But then I do think an awful lot of nonsense.

It's also rather bare-bones for now. Feel free to let me know what you think should go up here. Cat videos, maps of the far reaches of Hell, money-saving supermarket coupons, that kind of thing. 

As part of the move, this Wordpress blog will cease functioning, and this one integral to the new site will take over (which actually has the same url, so you will likely have ended up there/here without trying). So if you do wish to be informed of future blog mutterings via email, you'll need to re-subscribe here/there. If you don't, then don't. Click on post title to take you to the post page, then you'll see a thing to subscribe there on the right of the line saying Comments. I hope that's confusing enough. [Actually, seems it's even more confusing than this, in that you can't just put in your email, but only subscribe via other sign-in sites. But any mutterings here will be flagged on Twitter and FB, so, you know.]

Go look at the other bits. Not much to see here yet apart from previous rants.

No, seriously. Nothing. Stop staring at me. 




EVERYTHING YOU NEED eBook available now...

This is by way of an announcement that my 2013 collection, EVERYTHING YOU NEED, is now available as an eBook (US) or here (UK). For the time being it's only Kindle-format, though that should change soonish. In addition to the stories in Earthling Publication's splendid print edition of the collection, this Book edition includes THE GIST, a long story published in a complicated way as a handsome chapbook by Subterranean Press, as detailed here. In a special launch promotion, Earthling Publications, Subterranean Press and Ememess Press are offering a deal where, if you buy either the print edition of EVERYTHING YOU NEED or THE GIST (for yourself, or as a present for someone else, say, in light of any upcoming festivals or holidays traditionally involving the exchange of gifts or tokens), you get a copy of the eBook of EVERYTHING YOU NEED for free...

To put 'free' in context, it means 'for nothing'. Zip. Nada. Zero. The amount of affection I have for Russell Brand's oeuvre. That kind of thing.

Are they crazy?

They must be. We must all be. But before they come for us with butterfly nets, go to Subterranean's site here, Earthling's site here, or for the ebook alone go straight to Amazon here (US) or here (UK). Go now.

Seriously — why are you still here?


“It’s not the craft and skill that Michael Marshall Smith displays in his short stories that I object to. It’s not the easy wit, or the comfortable way he deploys language as a weapon. It’s not even that way that he can conjure people so real in so few words. It’s that, when a Mike Smith short story is over, it’s pretty much guaranteed that there will be some moment, scene or revelation frozen in the back of my mind that I’ll never be able to get out of my head, not even if I scrub it with wire wool so it bleeds.” —Neil Gaiman

“Michael Marshall Smith’s short stories are consistently sharp, slick, original, witty, disquieting, entertaining, and plain brilliant.” — Graham Joyce

"Michael Marshall Smith writes the kind of dreams we don't like to talk about, but can't get out of our minds once we've had them." — Jonathan Carroll

"If any reader unfamiliar with Smith’s work needs proof that he is one of the more entertaining and creatively imaginative writers working in fantasy and the macabre, this fits the bill." — Stefan Dziemianowicz, Locus

"Michael Marshall Smith is the most consistently brilliant short story author I have worked with over the past twenty years. He continues to amaze and delight me with the wit, intelligence and sheer creativity of his writing." — Stephen Jones



Announcing the overall #9ememess winner!

Just when you thought life couldn't get more exciting, suddenly there's the result of the overall #9ememess competition winner. So put down that axe and listen up. Who better to judge this climactic award than series creator Glen Morgan, who — as I was at pains to confusingly explain throughout — was asked to consider not just the weekly winners, but every single one of the 379 entries over the US run of the show (actually, there's a couple more than that now, as some have come in after the competition ended). And Glen's decision was...

"For the manipulation of Nature, as Reverti does, I have to go with @edge_of_the_map and @BigD1980 and the 9 petri dishes. Yet... honorable mention to @JaxAttack3B for all his artwork, @Golffather for his support and @TTESmith for Wilson Pickett."

Now, as it happens, @edge_of_the_map and @BigD1980 were winners of the Week 4 Competition, and so already have books and T-shirts heading their way anyway. I will try to think/acquire/steal something to recognize this further achievement. Let me know what you fancy, but I'm not stealing a car or major rail station or anything because they're bastards to wrap. @Golffather won the very first weekly competition. I'll send a book to @JaxAttack3B (if you DM me your address) but probably not one to @TTESmith, who by a curious co-incidence — this was unknown to Glen at the time of judging — happens to be my sister. She can buy her own damned copy*. I'm not made of money, you know.

So that really is the end of the competition. Thank you so much to everyone who entered and made it so much fun to do... and thank you also for your support of the show. It's now airing in the UK, where early responses have varied from...

"#Intruders , definitely the antithesis of "meh" television. Brilliant adult TV."

to... "Appalling storytelling, lousy dialogue, pretentious crap. Scary? Yeah, that somebody spent money on it."

to... "Cannot get my head around from but I can't stop watching. Weird would be an understatement."

to... "I've watched just 25min of the first episode of and the smouldering strangeness has me utterly hooked. Pleasingly odd."

to... "Congrats @ememess and @john_simm #TheIntruders is excellent. Beautifully shot, lovely colour palette and intelligent."

to my personal favourite... "#intruders What a load of shit. BBC pissing our TV tax up the wall yet again. Goodnight. (21.25)"

Frankly if we've managed to annoy the last bloke so vehemently, we must have done something right. Nobody involved in this show wanted to make another piece of bland, by-the-numbers TV... and I'm grateful and honored that so many talented people worked so hard to make something genuinely unusual and distinctive.

If you're enjoying it, please spread the word... if not, well, don't, eh?


* Just joking, Tes.



Before the intruders... there were THE STRAW MEN

So. INTRUDERS has finished in the US. For now, anyway... do feel free to start lobbying your congressman for a second season. No, I mean it. DO IT NOW. Actually, probably lobbying BBC America would make more sense. But give your congresswo/man a kick anyway. They likely deserve it. On the upside, this does mean you get a break from the dark machineries of my so-called mind. And to assist with that, I thought I'd warn you that you'll want to avoid the STRAW MEN novels, even though they are now electronically available in the US again, in new editions. (Currently only on Amazon, though ePubs are coming soon).

Be careful. Whatever you do, don't click any of the links below...


In this New York Times and internationally-bestselling novel of suspense, Michael Marshall's unique voice adds a chilling intensity to the serial-killer plot, combining dazzling narrative, a white-hot pace and introduces a deeply disturbing backdrop of conspiracy.

The Straw Men. They kill people. Any people. And soon they’ll get around to you.

"Just when you think there’s nothing new under the sun in the world of the suspense novel, along comes one hell of a nasty spider called The Straw Men. It’s brilliantly written and scary as hell. Be the first on your block to stay up all night with this one; it’s a masterpiece, reminding us that even paranoids really do have enemies." — STEPHEN KING




THE LONELY DEAD (second in series, previously published in the US as THE UPRIGHT MAN)


BLOOD OF ANGELS (third in series)


All jacket images created by the fantastic...

[No, physical copies are not available at the moment in the US, unless second-hand. It's a publishing thing. Don't even start me.]



9 Competition - Week 6 Winner #9ememess #intruders

Well well well. This week saw a SHOCKING, DISTURBING, MIND-BLOWING (sorry, thought I was a different kind of website there for a moment, about to deliver a dreary list of very average pieces of information loosely centred around pictures of Z-list celebrities that were born without eyebrows) number of entries: 124.

That's an unholy 87% increase from last week's 66 — and brings the series total to 379.

Outstanding. Each and every one of you has been given a gold star. But don't use it as your trigger for the next life, because then you'll all have the same trigger and that will be confusing. Or maybe just convenient. I don't know. I haven't really thought it through. I guess maybe someone could find this out and come up with a dread plan to use a single star to mobilise an entire army of prematurely re-awoken Qui Reverti children, only to be foiled when they get their homework marked... Glen, are you listening? This is good stuff here.

Anyway. This climactic week's winner was chosen by Millie Brown, who has been so astonishing (hyperbole totally warranted, for once) in the role of Madison/Marcus, in the process scaring the bejesus out of a wide section of the viewing public. She said:

"I'm picking John Montoya. I don't know why, but it just keeps drawing me in.."

Bzs9EJtCQAAsp2I.jpg-largeAnd you know what? Millie's absolutely right, but she's also a tiny bit wrong — personally I would have given it to everybody else, but also John as well. Which is why I was a lousy judge. So, @jomonto, DM me your address and I'll put you down for a signed copy of the tie-in edition when it arrives. All of the weekly winners will now also be receiving INTRUDERS T-shirts... and I'll let you know when the books arrive and packages go out.

So now all that's left is the overall season winner, to be chosen — as I have laboriously and confusingly explained each week — from the entire entry pool. Haven't got a judge for that yet, so I will announce later in the week... the winner will receive a book, a T-shirt and a copy of the promotional booklet for the series, signed by Mira Sorvino.

Until then, thank you so much all for your 9s — it's been huge fun doing this, and I've had my MIND BLOWN by the quality of entries. Actually, my mind remains unblown, largely because I keep it wrapped in shiny duct tape, but I have genuinely been amazed at the inventiveness and skill and dedication shown. Thank you also to judges Millie Brown, Daryl Shuttleworth and Kristen Cloke, and to Roxie at the BBC for the prizes.

And thank you also for watching the show, assuming you've been able to... If not, it's coming soon. Honestly.

And don't you be a stranger. You know where I am. The end is not the end.

What goes around comes around. Until then, be loud.