I should be working but I’m too depressed, furious, embarrassed and hungover, so instead I thought I’d provide a handy explanation of the concept of binary decisions for all the people on the right and left who clearly don’t understand them. 

Amongst the things that are most making me want to lie down on the carpet and weep this morning is the muppet parade of Brexit voters who seem to be a bit bewildered at what they’ve done, who are terribly confused to discover that voting Leave has led to Britain actually leaving the EU — at appalling long-term financial, cultural and societal cost. They apparently thought they were “showing the establishment”. They thought they were casting a “protest vote”. 

No, you morons — it was a binary. It was In, or Out. Did you not get that? Who did you think would register or admire your protest? The vote was anonymous. Nobody knew how you voted until you bragged to your friends about it. There was no “One In The Eye For The Establishment” box to tick. The choice was In, or Out? How was this hard to understand?

Democracy is not there for you to “have your say” or “show Them”. You can do that if you live in a village of thirty people. With countries of tens or hundreds of millions of voters, the process has to be streamlined. The system therefore provides people with a clear and simple choice. All it asks is that you have the wit to understand that. Which apparently was too big an ask. 

Late last night, fueled by a certain amount of beer and the common Twitter-led delusion that people do — or should — give a crap what I think, I said:

This is a wake-up call, America. There are more tiny-minded xenophobe bigots out there than you think. Get behind Hillary NOW.

The interesting thing is that nobody from the right has come back at me for it. People from the left have, though. One scolded me for being mean to the small-minded and xenophobic. Several lectured me on how evil Hillary is. 

You know what? I sympathize if you’re not entirely happy with either candidate, but nobody fucking cares about your nuanced and virtue-signaling parade of adolescent musings about big banks and corporate politics and how we need a revolution because that would be totally cool. Get over yourself and how awfully individual and interesting you are, and wrap your mind around the fact that the upcoming election is a binary too. If you don’t vote for Hillary, you are effectively voting for Trump. How hard can that be to understand? There’s NO-ONE ELSE. Bernie lost. Neither the Greens nor an independent nor Angie’s Freethinking Groovy Revolution Collective are going to be running the country next year. Do you understand? 

It’s Clinton or Trump. There are not nine options. IT’S A BINARY. 

I am firmly of the left, and always will be. But right now the left is pissing me off almost as much as the right is scaring me. Politics is not about you. It’s about us. All of us. Stop wasting everybody’s time with your sophomoric “look at how sophisticated and edgy my views are” bullshit and get ready to make a very simple choice — because the moderates of the world, the League of Empathetic Sane People, and hundreds of millions of humans of all races, creeds, genders and demographic status, are sick and tired of having their countries and lives and futures fucked up by extremists at either end of the spectrum.