I know what you're thinking.No, actually, I know what you're thinking. And some of you need help. Quite urgently.

But I know that you're mainly thinking it's high time to be told the results of the 5th and penultimate #9ememess competition. By a happy co-incidence, that's what I'm here to reveal. Okay, it's not a co-incidence.

Numbers first, as always. There were a whopping 66 entries, which represents not only a 62% increase on last week's tally, but is the highest so far by some margin. Am I pleased? Well, do I look pleased? Actually, yes, I do. This is my "pleased" face. It happens to closely resemble my "who the fuck are you?" face and my "the world is an endless tunnel of suffering and despair" face and even my "is that my triple-shot two-pump mocha-tall-chino without whip?" face, but I can't help that. I have now officially called off the meteor strike. You may rest easy.

All the entries are here. Judging this week was @D_Shuttleworth, aka Det. Blanchard in INTRUDERS, who said... "I like this one: Seems to evoke the underworld feel of the shepherds and Qui Reverti."


So, @yerack, DM me your address and as soon as the Harper tie-in book is in my hands (and they're working on cover art now, so it shouldn't too long), I'll sign a copy of it to you or anyone else you choose, and convey it to you by means of a logistics enterprise under the auspices of the US government that specializes in the transportation of physical objects from one place to another, sometimes without mishap.

Remember, as always, that after this next week's contest, there will be a final über-competition where every single picture entered over the entire run will be back in contention. Don't know who's going to be judging that yet. I asked God, but she declined, saying she's "behind on a bunch of shit already and none of you assholes even believe in me any more so what's the frikkin' point?" She sounded a bit overwrought, to be honest.

And now... yes. It's the last and final and ultimate week of the competition, which will be judged by Millie Brown, the extraordinary young actress who plays Madison. I'll let you know asap. And do I really have to tell you that it would be awesome if we could out-do ourselves here both with the sheer quality and number of entries? This is the last week of the nines, people — time to step up and go nuts. Or nut up and go steps. I'm even going to abandon the quantity restriction - you can put in as many entries as you like... but do try to give us your best shot/s.

Rules, as always, are here.

Nine me.