I've become slightly obsessed by the spam comments I'm getting on this blog, and thought I'd share a few more with you. Sadly, I'm not seeing much poetry or koan-style wisdom in this fresh batch... though a few do possess a certain verve:

"Man its an enjoyable experience of the season going to the 2-tracks and do some off-roading, I love my f450! Can’t wait to fire up my 4×4!!"

Well, indeed. Not strictly relevant to the blog in question (which was a rambling note about choosing mugs to drink your tea out of), but who doesn't love to fire up a 4x4, and who doesn't love their f450? Whatever that is. Then there's...

"i am having issues posting comments. Doesnt seem to worklicensed mortgage bankers li ny"

Hmm. "Issues posting comments" doesn't seem to cover it, my friend. It reads like you got run over or shot in the attempt. (This comment, like all the others, is quoted in its entirety. I'm not editing or cutting to make them look weird or dumb. There's no need.)

"This makes sense, but more people need to read it to get legs."

Excellent point. I think. More people do need to read my blog to get legs. I've been saying this for ages. Other posters are yet more fulsome in their praise:

"Definitely imagine that which you stated. Your favorite reason seemed to be at the net the simplest factor to keep in mind of. I say to you, I definitely get irked whilst folks think about issues that they plainly don’t recognise about. You managed to hit the nail upon the highest and defined out the whole thing without having side effect , other folks can take a signal. Will likely be again to get more. Thank you"

You're very welcome, alcocheckpoint.com. But the next guy goes yet further:

"I’ve been browsing on-line greater than 3 hours nowadays, but I never discovered any interesting article like yours. It’s lovely price sufficient for me. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made just right content material as you probably did, the web can be a lot more helpful than ever before."

I felt a tear in my eye when I read this. If there's something I've always striven for as a writer, it's to be price sufficient. It's not all praise, however: a gentleman called "Cosmic Ordering" was less satisfied:

"The subsequent time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I imply, I do know it was my option to read, however I actually thought youd have one thing fascinating to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could repair in the event you werent too busy searching for attention."

Actually, that could be a genuine comment: I do indulge in a bunch of whining from time to time. Speaking of odd names, though...

"There’s some good ideas here, but I dont know if I agree with everything, but theres some important points, from Genital Warts Treatment"

What the hell kind of parent calls their kid that? It's just wrong. And also, who would boast thus...

"Been around dogs my entire life and I haven’t killed one yet. I plan to always have one or more. I did not go to dog school or read a book or any other thing before owning a dog. If I have a question about a dog, I ask my vet or my friend who raises them."

I've been around people my entire life and haven't killed one yet either. I'm not sure that's something to boast about, especially when the word "yet" suggests an inner fear that it's only a matter of time before a hound expires at your hand. What I still don't understand is what these comments are supposed to achieve. The last one, for example, has no links to dog or vet-related sites. So... WTF? Naturally there's the obvious SEO tosspots:

"After reading your blog post I browsed your website a bit and noticed you aren’t ranking nearly as well in Google as you could be. I think you should take a look here: http://articlemarketingrobots.org/ You’ll find it’s a very nice tool that can bring you a lot more visitors. Keep up the quality posts"

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Moron. Go get a real job. But what are the rest about? Am I supposed to read them and think "Goddamn, you're wise. At last, I have found my guru", and  go seek out the web site mentioned in the posting information, like alpinereviews.info, or emuaid.com/boil-treatment.html or bestcureforeczema.net/eczema-free-forever.html?

If so... it's really, really, really not going to happen, people. You be wasting my time, and yours. If not, and this genuinely is part of some weird metaphysical campaign of enlightenment, then I'm afraid your meaning remains unclear to me, master. Perhaps I'm simply not worthy.

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