1. They are, to be fair, brilliant.

2. The old joke about the desire for a kebab being an excellent indication of whether someone's drunk or not... remains both funny and true.

3. In your teens and twenties you eat a doner, obviously. In your thirties you go posh and healthy, and order and wait for a shish. Then in your forties you go retro, nostalgic and I-want-it-now, and return to doner, with some relief.

4. How very English of us to choose a convenience food which is really quite hard to hold, eat, or wrangle in any way. Even to digest, especially if you go boldly overboard on the chili sauce, which you will. It's more of an inconvenience food, especially when a bit drunk (which you will of course be, see point 2).

5. The best kebabs I've ever eaten, by miles and miles, are from the Casba kebab house on Western Road, Hove. Yes, it's worth making a special trip. Even from America.